I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
