you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
