You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
