didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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