Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
