the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
