cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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