The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
