So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
