Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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