cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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