I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
