wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's blow job season.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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