you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
