I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
