We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
