Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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