Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize