I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
