I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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