Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
