Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
