You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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