I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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