I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
