i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
