dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize