Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
