No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
