I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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