I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
