I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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