if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
