her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
