When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
