Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
