Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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