i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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