Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
