I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
