remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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