So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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