She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
high people should be assigned attendants
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
