Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Vodka?
Forever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize