hotel room ftw
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
