Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
