I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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