So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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