Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
