In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
