True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I believe in your delicious
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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