Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm both gender and math confused
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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