Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
