I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
