This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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