shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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