I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she told me i tasted like america
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
