If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
