you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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