And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
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Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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