she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
