HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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