Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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