would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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