the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
