When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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