i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
