SEEEEXXX PLEASE
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
