I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
