3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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