dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
